Whatever happened to marriage? Better yet what happened to be in relationships that required trust, loyalty, communication, and friendship? I was once married, and I can tell you it wasn’t an easy road. The temptation and the men/women who openly do not care about another person’s marriage made it so much easier for not only my husband to stray; but other men and women too. It amazes me how no one in the cheater’s circle has that friend-to-friend talk about how he/she should be faithful. In fact, it astounds me how “friends” vouch or sit in silence when they witness their “friend” participating in this wrong act. Hey, I’ve been guilty of it too because at the time; I thought it was none of my business when I would spot my associate with someone else. I even messed with an ex when he was separated and guess what he went back home. But as I have matured; I realized that I can’t be true to myself if I can’t tell you when you are doing something wrong and share my experience.
Hell, I’ve been that wife who will call the side chick and ask questions (of course in a calm tone because she may not have known he was married). But when you realize you are dealing with another sister that feels obligated to imply that she’s not leaving your husband alone or is his ride or die; that’s a problem with our sisterhood. I mean whenever the side chic feel it’s ok to let you know, “hey why you calling me; you need to talk to your husband because you obviously ain’t doing something right to keep him home” or the infamous side-chick thought; “he loves me but you won’t divorce him”. Or the best one yet, “we are just friends and we ain’t never going to stop being that”. Hahaha!!! I can laugh at it now. At the time it wasn’t funny. But she had a point…. why am I calling her when he decided to entertain her? And why does she feel so comfortable talking to the wife in that manner? That leads me to these important questions you need to ask yourself?
Do I love myself enough to get out of this situation knowing he/she isn’t going to change?
Have I lost my self-respect and self-worth to accept someone who has constantly cheated on me and knowing I am in competition with another person?
What will I gain/lose from this circle/cycle/triangle of other people that are involved in this adulterous mess?
Does loving this person so much means I should settle for getting hurt over and over again?
Am I wasting more time on something that isn’t allowing me to grow and gain a blessing waiting in the midst?
Do I want to keep going thru his/her phone and things just to continue to find what I already know is going on?
How many times am I going to keep catching him/her in disrespectful acts towards me?
Society has it all wrong when most feel the husband/wife has no right to question another man/woman. In fact, he/she definitely needs to know exactly what type of man/woman his/her spouse has been sleeping with. He/she also needs to take themselves to the nearest clinic!!! A spouse wants to know what’s going on before confronting the other because when do they really tell the truth 🤔. You see they took vows that they would be together ‘til death do us part’. So the spouse needs to get some clarity. Now if this chic/brotha knew he/she was married and didn’t care about their household; that’s a problem. I bet you’re asking yourself, “where is she going with this?” You see ladies the problem with it is you as a woman do not value yourself enough to set boundaries and morals; therefore you will be treated as such. I’m speaking from experience because not only did I allow it; I stayed in it thinking I can get rid of the other woman eventually.
Now the infamous and open side-chic always remember; whether you “never” want a relationship or not; you will always have the stigma placed on you because that’s all you are known for. The girl who messes with other people’s husband/boyfriends. And the men; well nothing is going to happen because you will just be known as a no good guy. Trust me when you get up in age; you will want your own that will not cheat on you. That takes me to the next issue.
Now I have to take some accountability on my part as well. Here’s where I point the finger right back at myself 👈🏼You see it isn’t always the cheater or another fault. Sometimes red flags were shown even before the wedding/shacking up. Most of the time a man/woman knows their spouse long before they get married/moved in. But we think we can change them. We also know when our spouse isn’t really ready to get married too, but we do it anyway. So with that being said; why get mad at the other man/woman for doing what they have been doing before and after the marriage? That’s when a spouse needs to reevaluate themselves and ask, “Am I willing to accept this behavior that causes mental stress? Will I continue to devalue my self-worth just to say “I’m married?” Do I want to show my children that it’s ok to accept this behavior? How many times will I forgive him/her? Remember a man/woman will continue to disrespect you if you ALLOW him/her to. Trust me I know this all too well. 🤣🤣😂😂
Sza has our young ladies/men singing the side chic anthem!!! This increasing acceptance of open relationships, sneaking around with someone’s spouse/ common-law arrangements has gotten in the way of what is really important, and that’s trust and true love. It has set the tone that it is ok for someone to cheat not once but a plethora of times because that’s what relationships/marriages are. But in actuality, that is far from the truth. It’s not ok to share yourself with people in that manner because you start unnecessary soul ties that can be dangerous and unhealthy. Feelings and emotions get involved on both ends. Yes, men can have sex with women and “claim” they are not in love with them, but they do become territorial with their women. They may have the side chic feeling she shouldn’t deal with anyone else but him (and some do it too!!!) because you should be loyal to him. And women are emotional creatures; I don’t care how hard you try to act. And let me just tell you MOST of the time the ones that do the cheating; best believe their side-piece who doesn’t give a rats ass about your relationship is cheating on you too 🤣🤣😂🤣!!! KARMA!!!!
Yes, I know you’re saying cheating has been going on since BC; but there was a level of relationships that had true love and faithfulness that goes all the way back to slavery. That love I’ve witnessed with the older generation and great- great -great grandparents was something to admire. Most of the men/women honored and cherished each other. And because of this very reason, I know that KARMA will eventually catch up to the now married home wreckers and the habitual cheaters/side-piece. In due time you will have to answer for your actions. So while you continue singing that SZA because that’s your anthem; remember your man will be her man too 😉
Just my two cents. 😬
I like your two cents…. I believe in being monogamous and i expect that from my partner. Through my past experiences I have learnt one thing; love yourself enough to leave an unhealthy relationship and if someone can’t stay faithful, there is no point in holding on. I believe there are good people out there willing to experience true love built around loyalty, trust and faithfulness but the rest have no respect for another person’s spouse.
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I do agree 100% It took me years of maturity to understand that it all starts with me!! Loving myself enough to know my worth!!
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There’s no excuse for cheating NONE…But there are many reasons:
I once heard a wise black woman say this: “If you close your legs to your husband, there is only too willing women out there who will open their legs for your husband”
Lot of truth in that: moral of the story?, If you keep your man sexed up and satisfied, he will never have the energy or inclination to cheat
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I agree that a spouse should not hold out on sex; but trust me when I say that many are still cheating and sexing up their spouse on a regular. Some are not mature enough to admit that they are in search of something deeper that may have been missing. For example, If I was that “ugly-duckling” in high school and no one wanted me then, I may be wanting to fulfill the need of feeling wanted/liked. Some men will not admit when they have self-esteem/ego issues. It is all on if you are ready to be committed!!!
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Any man who cheats on a woman who is getting lots of sex at home is a vile, ungrateful piece of s**t
Thank you for showing me there’s another perspective on this issue out there, that I hadn’t seen before
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