Have you ever experienced that nagging feeling in your gut? You try to ignore it because, well, who wants to be “that person”? The one who calls things out, who sees the red flags waving in the breeze that will affect you eventually?

We tell ourselves stories. “They’re just stressed.” “Maybe I’m overreacting.” We rationalize away behavior that deep down, we know isn’t right. We’re trying to fit square pegs into round holes. We hope and pray that if we just squint hard enough, we’ll see something different.

But here’s the thing, and it’s a lesson I’m learning (and re-learning) myself: take people at face value. Seriously. That little voice inside? It’s usually screaming the truth. And like my grandma always said, “When they show you who they are baby, believe them. Don’t try to turn shit into sugar and poison into honey. You’ll just end up hurting yourself.”

It’s about recognizing the difference between what someone says and what they do. It’s about paying attention to the whispers, those little inconsistencies that add up to a big, glaring truth. Because let’s be honest, why would someone lie if they didn’t know they were doing something wrong? Surprises are fun, but deception? That’s a whole different ballgame.

Trust? It’s a precious thing, earned over time. And when it’s broken, rebuilding it takes work. Real, genuine work. If someone messes up, owns it, and shows you they’re serious about making amends, that’s one thing. But if they shrug it off, blame you, or make excuses? Honey, that’s a red flag waving a full-on parade.

And then there’s the “private person” excuse. We’ve all heard it. It’s a code for “I’m hiding something, and I’m going to spin it like it’s for your own good.” They’ll tell you they’re sparing you the details when really, they’re just trying to keep their options open. They’re gambling with your feelings, hoping they won’t get caught.

Because here’s the cold, hard truth: when you gamble with a relationship, you know the odds. You know there’s a chance you’ll lose everything. You know you’re causing friction, creating cracks in the foundation. And if you have a shred of empathy, you know you’re being selfish.

How do people live with that? The double life, the constant pretense? I don’t know. Maybe they’re masters of compartmentalizing. Maybe they’re just really good at lying. But one thing’s for sure: it’s not a life built on honesty or respect.

So, let’s stop ignoring those gut feelings. Let’s stop trying to rationalize the irrational. We should start believing people when they show us who they are. Let’s build our lives with those who are real and trustworthy. We want people who are ready to grow alongside us. Because at this stage of the game, we deserve nothing less.