Motherhood

Being a mother isn’t an easy job at all.  To actually be responsible for another human being’s character, mannerism, education, and well-being is enough to make a grown man cry!!! I look at my children and ask for forgiveness on so many occasions. I am not the best parent by a long shot.  Damn, I wish I would have read the book on how to be a great mother.

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But that is just it. You can read a million books, resources, and blogs concerning motherhood and there will never be an adequate dialogue of how to be great. Being a mother comes with trial and error.  You are going to be hated and loved at the same damn time. You are going to have to worry about your children even when they become adults.  You damn sure will have to make some serious sacrifices that you definitely didn’t want. This is all part of motherhood.

I reflect back to how I was in the 90’s as a mother and I am not proud at all.  I think about how I put myself first most of the time and tried to hang out with my friends instead of being at home with my daughter.  It took me some years to figure out how to balance my life.  I had to realize that sometimes I couldn’t go to the concert, party and trips everyone else was free to enjoy. I felt I was entitled to enjoying my twenties; not realizing how important it was for me to allow my daughter to embrace what a childhood experience was supposed to be. I sheltered her something terrible.  So much so, that she is just beginning to become a mature young lady at the age of 23 instead of 18.  She is just beginning to understand the importance of friendships and relationships.  She is finally breaking out of her shyness.

Let’s not forget I have a son now that is a pre-teen.  I totally screwed up again!!! Because I didn’t want to be the parent I was with Jazmin; I decided to be around too much!!! He is spoiled rotten to the core because I have done all the things I complained about concerning my daughter.  Plus because I have gotten up in age, I don’t feel like being that mother who is always fussing and cussing hahaha!!!  Hell, I know some of my friends and family question my parenting as we speak!!! I already know what I have created.  I will try my most damn to fix it.

But guess what, I wouldn’t trade it in the world. I have learned so much from being a mother and also have asked my children to forgive me for anything I have done throughout their life that warrants sadness, unhappiness, or hate.  That’s all you can do as a mother and learn from the many mistakes you will continue to make throughout life. I realized that I am human and I will always learn to be a better parent.  Although the road is hard, it is well worth it. The bond that you have with your child(ren) is unbreakable and refreshing all at once. The unconditional love that holds you together will forever flourish with time. There is nothing like a mother’s love for her child(ren).

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