A Fatherless Child

Within our society, it has become a necessity to ensure that our children have a reliable and honorable male figure in their lives.  It is not only important for our young men but our females as well.  Think about it, honorable men are needed to assist other males in becoming respectful and grounded young man who can relate to their individual thought process and well-being. Yes, women have raised some outstanding young men, but trust and believe her son has encountered some type of male figure or role model that he could relate to and confide in.  Whether it was a coach, pastor, grandfather, or a cousin; a male figure also molded him into the man he becomes.  A female definitely needs to encounter a grounded and respectful male as well because that is where she will ultimately learn how a man should treat, respect, and love her.  Without positive reinforcements from an outstanding male role model; many of our young men and women will be lost. Maybe that’s just it? We are lacking positive male-figures.

Many households are run by single women.  “According to 2017 U.S. Census Bureau,⁴ out of about 12 million single-parent families with children under the age of 18, more than 80% were headed by single mothers”. Even though the statistics represent only 23% of households, it still continues to be of importance to our generation. Don’t get me wrong, there can definitely be an unhealthy one-parent or two-parent household that can illustrate negative behavior and compromise our children’s way of thinking and behavior. There can also be detrimental male role models in our children’s lives that can reinforce negative moral beliefs and behavior. Sometimes it is best to have a single-parent situation instead of a destructive two-parent home.  That is more reason to have a positive male in their life to reinforce the positive aspects of being a human being.

Let’s take a look at how a positive father-figure plays a role in a girl’s life:

• It creates a strong sense of confidence and self-esteem within her. Dads/father-figures generate that bond of assurance with them when they reinforce their sense of confidence and security.
• She learns how a man is supposed to treat her.  By actually witnessing how dad/father-figure respectfully takes care of his family/friends and children, it creates a positive and healthy element that she will look for in a mate in her future.
• It illustrates how a man can live a life of moral ground and integrity even when he may fall short at times. She will learn to appreciate honor and hard-work. She will take pride in witnessing how her father works so hard to be “the man”.
• It teaches a young lady how to build trusting relationships with other males that illustrates true respect an honor. She will be able to differentiate between disrespect and respect, as well as, dishonor and honor.
• It illustrates to a young lady a sense of positive support and affection. It gives a young lady a clear understanding of the sensitive and affectionate side of a male.

For a young man it teaches him how to:

• become masculine. No matter how bad a woman tries to take credit for this, it just isn’t possible. A woman cannot teach a male how to be a man.
• take work-ethic and education seriously.  Whether he goes to college or not, his positive father-figure can push him to become grounded. The father figure assists in showing him not to give up and be a man of his word. He illustrates the importance of consistency and betterment of his life.
• bond with other males. Women will not understand this. Men have various ways of interacting with other males. Building friendships with others and/or working with other males is essential to becoming a man. There are man-codes that us women will never know.
• treat a woman. Actually seeing another male positively dating or courting with a female reinforces what his mother has already set forth. To actually have a male to show him how to treat a young lady goes a long way.
• take healthy risks. Whether it deals with building a trusting relationship in business, sports, or friendships; another male can assist in how to maneuver in these areas.
• work with his hands. A productive man is also a great handy-man!! Changing tires, cutting grass, fishing, and gardening are all great aspects of manhood. Why not allow that great male role model to teach him the ropes.

Fathers are the center of our children’s emotional well-being and discipline. Being a father/father-figure is necessary for all our children’s life. If you have fathered a child and haven’t been active in his/her life, please take the steps to better yourself and be there. Spend time with your child, rough-play with them, and embrace the fact that you have been awarded the “honor” of being the greatest person in that child’s life. Monetary gifts do not replace the time and relationship needed to build the foundation of what a father-daughter and/or a father-son is supposed to be. It takes two or more to assist in raising our children.

If you are a single mom and the father is a great person (please do not count the one night stand, and/or the divorce) TO THE CHILD/CHILDREN, do not block the relationship between him and his child/children. Encourage healthy boundaries and co-parenting relationships. Don’t undermine the positive influence he can bring to the table because you are bitter. Separate yourself from the picture and allow him to be in his children’s life. Trust me, you will pay for it later in life. Why are you punishing the child? If you do not have that type of support with the children’s father or it isn’t safe or healthy, then make sure to incorporate coaches, uncles, brothers, etc. that can assist in your “village”.

Believe it or not, men you are just as important, if not more than the mother. Why not work together to create the village that is so desperately needed. To all the great fathers and father figures, I SEE YOU!!! MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!