After watching the greatest movie of all time, Black Panther, I witnessed what a beautiful thing it would be if black women worked together instead of against each other. The power of a woman in itself is magnificent, but the beauty of a black woman is something to be admired. Hey, we get one month out of the year to exhibit all the great things “we” have done throughout the century but it still doesn’t do us, black women, enough justice. We as women support and fight for our men without hesitation. But we also fight against each other as sisters, and that my friend isn’t just a black girl problem. It’s a universal woman problem. Why can’t we just get along?
It is disturbing to me to know that women can’t seem to get along, work together, love one another, or embrace each other in a sense that doesn’t hold hate, jealousy, or cattiness. We blame it on hormones and/or mood swings, but is it really? Is the nature of a woman being jealous of another woman really in our DNA? Is it in a woman’s nature to sabotage another woman’s chances of becoming great? Let me think about this.
I am definitely a “green” woman I must say. I am all about loving my sisters from another mister but I guess everyone just isn’t the same. I applied for a great position that not only would give me an opportunity to move up the ladder, but increase my income something fierce!!!! All these years being an educator paid off (that’s what my mind said)!!! I was going to be in another locality, but it was well worth it!!! I was willing to make that sacrifice. A young lady that just so happened to take a liking to me told me about the position and felt I would be a great fit for it. I was hesitant at first, but when I looked into it further, I realized I had more than enough credentials for the position. I went ahead and applied for it months ago. She called me and gave me a heads up that they received my application and would give me a call for an interview soon. Now my pessimistic attitude turned into an optimistic one!!! I was excited that I took the opportunity to step out on faith and do something totally different from the norm!!
Well well well, what do you know? The young lady that introduced me to the position gave me a call last night and asked me did I know a woman (I will call her)“Debbie Downer“. Of course, I did and was excited to know she mentioned her name. A matter of fact I spoke very highly of her and thought we were great associates for years!!! Well, guess what? I was highly mistaken. The young lady kindly lets me know that the hiring manager happened to ask “Debbie Downer” did she remember me from our previous employment (the hiring manager noticed we worked at the same place before over 10 years ago). Little Ms. Debbie stated with her face balled up, “She doesn’t have the look….. A matter of fact her look wouldn’t be a fit here”. Because the young lady knew how I “looked”, she didn’t understand what Ms. Debbie was speaking of. A matter of fact, she was wondering what exactly did she mean by “the look”. The young lady who introduced me to the possibility of working in her district felt I should discuss this with her personally because it totally ended my chances of at least getting the opportunity of an interview. The young lady also informed me that the body language she illustrated was enough to kill the deal. She felt that not only it was inappropriate, but it wasn’t “sisterly like” to create an image of someone who fits the exact same characters we share amongst us. Was it my natural hair she was speaking of?
I was taken aback because I supported Debbie and assisted her in personal things that were beyond the working environment. Hell, just last week I supported her fundraiser and her entrepreneurial endeavors. I even assisted her last year with writing her business plan and creating her business cards free of charge!!! How could this same person feel the need to speak ill of me? Is this how she really feels? I’ve just been bamboozled haha!!
I couldn’t sleep well of course because all I kept thinking about was, “I thought we were all in this together, sisters looking out for one another”. Yes, I know she wasn’t considered a “friend” or “family”, but I respected her hustle and didn’t mind assisting her when she asked. But why did my “sister” feel the need to sabotage me? Does she understand how powerful we are if we would uplift, help, and assist each other when the times are against us? Doesn’t she understand that we need each other in order to reach our purpose? Damn, many men even talk about how women act towards each other!!!
Sisterhood is something that is necessary for our lives. In no way am I stating we should bring every female into our family unit or circle of friendships, but I am saying that woman must reciprocate respect for one another. We must support each other as women in order to connect with our younger generation of women who are watching us become mothers, sisters, aunts, and professionals. We are supposed to uplift each other wherever we go. When we see a sister down; it is our duty to lift her up. Even when our brothers don’t.
Why must we constantly disconnect from each other? Too many times women say they are all about sisterhood but are you illustrating it? Ask yourself these questions and be honest:
Do you always feel an inner joy in bringing other sisters along when you have reached success or do you prefer to keep them out and hand them a rope to hang themselves because it may risk your chances of becoming great?
Are you genuinely kind to other women? Do you smile and compliment other women and mean it, or do you put down other women to make yourself look great?
Have you participated in positive gossip concerning another woman, or have you spread negative gossip about a woman?
Are you a little jealous of another woman’s success or potential, or do you enjoy watching other women win?
Do you treat other women how you would in turn like to be treated?
Have you assisted and encouraged the new girl at your job or do you enjoy watching her stay stagnant?
Have you taken a young lady under your wings and guided her to success, or have you treated her the way you felt you’ve been treated in this cold world?
Do you talk directly with the women you have issues with, or do you talk about the women?
Are you a hypocrite or ethical? Are you a mean girl in disguise or do you value the statement, “my sister’s keeper”?
Lastly, do you possess empathy or ignorance?
You should never be nasty towards another woman, period!!! As a sister, we should all be able to handle differences in a manner that is peaceful and respectful towards one another. I promise you if you are throwing shade towards another woman; karma will give it right back to you. We don’t have to like one another or be besties, but we all should respect and uplift each other. If I win; we all should win. If you don’t have sisterhood in your heart; I suggest you start re-evaluating yourself and get some. Sisterhood shouldn’t just be within your clique but within our community. We are always at our best when we work together instead of against each other.
so simply true
Oh what a lovely post… I am sorry to hear about the interview incident — but what a lovely moral for all of us came out of it! And I agree totally: karma will give it right back to you. As we say in my culture: “may your words go straight to God’s ear” 😉
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I often have problems going to sleep, but tonight I am glad I am up dear sister.
Very happy I found this post, and would like to share something with you.
Please read: https://archaicsugar.wordpress.com/2018/02/05/my-life-givers/
..then read the rest of my comment.
Don’t get discouraged Many of us have been trained by the world, to relate to each other through the eyes of competition. The other woman is “other,” not an extension of ourselves in the world. Not the populace of our power, voice, merit , expression in the world. Not our validity.
And it is a program, set down by society and those who follow the wrong tracks of history far as we are concerned. Women (black, brown, white, everyone) have to undo the number that has been done on us and re-work how we relate to each other, because we are keeping this ill practice of competing in place. No woman is an enemy to another woman, that is like an army turning on itself. But un-worldly/historically un-educated women never learn why undoing the negative imprint is important and remain catty little head droids fashioned by the world.
However, many of us are waking up and are no longer this unconscious. So keep the faith, and collect sisters who heart your life and presence. Continue to support other women, as you are needed in this world, and will be honored by the woke.
Much love, peace, and blessing. Forever.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! Hopefully our women will “get it, embrace it, and understand it”. ❤️❤️
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You and I have, and others are ding so as we speak. Not everyone, but each one teach one and when you know better you do better. 🙂 Your friend who you helped, isn’t one of those. Yet.
But, life is long.
And this, was my pleasure!