Because I had the great pleasure of dating a narcissist for years; I can tell you that it is a total nightmare!!! You will definitely find yourself going to the nearest therapist. You see narcissists believe their own lies. You have to tip-toe around their fantasy and be very careful what you say or do or else their ugly and dangerous side will appear. It may take years before you realize what you have gotten yourself into. Once you have been tangled in their web of lies, destruction, and fantasy; it is so hard to get out. A matter of fact; the only way you can get out safely is if they have another victim to focus their attention on to feed their sadistic needs.
Narcissist dresses up nicely!! They play the part to a tee!!! They will smell good, treat you well. They pretend to care about you and your well being. They pretend to be so loyal, honest, and funny. They even pretend to be so respectful just to get you to fall in love with them. Don’t get it twisted; they know exactly what game they are playing and they will not stop until they can get all of you. They will buy you nice gifts, be affectionate, and portray the type of man you told him you want. But within a matter of time; all these things change and you will swear something is wrong with you.
You can’t even have a simple conversation with a narc because they will twist your words, tell you it’s all in your head or you’re making stuff up (because they are accustomed to it), or see it as an argument. It is like talking to an immature child. They also have no boundaries what-so-ever!!! They will say or do things that many would say, “what the fuck did he/she just say/do?” Everything is your fault!! They will tell you they are owning up to what they did, but in actuality, they never do (remember in their mind they didn’t do anything really that bad). They have no accountability whatsoever. A matter of fact; they have lied so much, they can’t remember what role they played with you because they have other victims too.
Narcissists live secret lives. They create a dysfunction within their own circle of family and friends that can be irreconcilable. They have no idea how their actions not only affect their victims but their children as well (if they have any).
Here are some red flags you may be in a relationship with a narcissist:
- A narcissist loves to talk about him or herself. They can go for hours talking about their struggles, how they used to be, what they are about. They have to have one up on their friends/families/ counterparts. The conversation will go back to them while they show genuine interest in you (sounds weird but hey).
- A narcissist tries to speak badly about people he or she feels you are getting too close to. Sometimes this is done to gain control or to keep you away from others that are familiar with his/her actions. A narcissist may even disrespect his very own family members or use a bad family upbringing to gain sympathy from you.
- Many narcissists have a false image of themselves. They do things to impress others by making themselves look like great mothers/fathers, hard workers, and great love makers. They even have a great relationship with God/religion (so they say). When this occurs the narcissist usually uses people, objects, or materialist things to represent their accomplishments. They will even go so far as to play the role of what they are trying to prove. They will have a bible, go to church, have their children just so you can believe they are who they say they are.
- They have to be a “winner” because the real person they are isn’t really that great. You will hear statements such as, “I’m better than….”, “I have more than…”, “Mine is bigger than….”, “Look at what I got..”.
- Narcissists are very persuasive. They make you feel very special and wanted. As long as you fulfill their psychotic needs; you will forever be their love. A matter of fact they will buy you gifts, send you lovely texts, spend quality time with you because in their mind you are following their lead.
- Many narcissists love to spread negative news about themselves in order to gain sympathy and attention from others.
- Narcissists are quick to judge, criticize, and ridicule others and even you eventually. By making others/you feel beneath him/her; this boosts his/her sensitive ego. This also makes them feel better about themselves.
- They may throw a tantrum if you disagree with them or fail to follow their lead. This can turn into an “argument” in their eyes.
- They use manipulation as their greatest tactics. They may make up scenarios to get you to come to them when you do not entertain their actions. They will reach out to your friends, family, co-workers, etc. to get you back into their web of lies. Remember a narcissist lies effortlessly without any remorse.
- They are very insecure and the slight signs of not giving them attention will cause the “other side to appear”. They do not like criticism at all. In fact, if you dare have a complaint about them, they will either use the switch-and-bait tactic on you to divert the problem back to you; or they may convert to the real person!!! That is when you must be very afraid.
Now you have realized you have gotten into a relationship that is not only toxic, dangerous, and unhealthy but now he/she will begin to abuse you. It will start with the mental abuse. He/she will send text messages implying they are not in a good place or need your help. They may even imply they are sick or something is seriously wrong. This is used to bring you back into the darkness because they know you have a kind heart. They have to regain their sense of control.
If you do not comply with those tactics; they will begin to get physically abusive. They become so angry that you are not following their commands. They want to instill fear into you, and yet make you think they love you. This is when it becomes an entirely new ordeal. Read the article below.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a Narc, it will take time, strength, and tactics to regain yourself back. Before it becomes even more mentally, emotionally, and physically dangerous. GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND GET HELP!!!