FRENEMIES

When you have friends, you should never have to worry about if what you’ve shared with them in confidence becomes the sword that stabs you in the back. No matter what may happen between the two of you, you shouldn’t want to sabotage your loyalty and trust that ex-friend saw in you.  As I’ve grown older, I have learned character lessons from people who I thought were a friend to me.  Even people who I assumed were genuine with their heart turned out to be my worst nightmare.  I’ve had people who I thought were cool with me or I dealt with sexually turn around and try to mess with not only one of my associates but my friends as well.  I guess they didn’t think enough of our “friendship” to stay clear of my “girls”. I guess because I wasn’t given him enough attention back then, he felt it would be wise to try to get with my girls hahaha!!!  One thing is for sure you will soon learn who your real friends are.

Think about it what do you really gain by sharing someone you called your sister/brother’s confidential information? How does that make you look?  I mean I know we as humans participate in gossip from time to time, but what purpose does it serve you to humiliate your ex-friend? Do you ever think that one day you two will re-hatch your differences and become civil with one another?  Can a disagreement be that bad that you would hurt someone who you really do care about?  Or better yet, why would you try your hand with your ex-friend’s friends?

Sometimes as you grow older, people grow apart.  Not because they want to; but because they needed change and/or space to reach their destiny.  Sometimes your friend has other people/groups they associate with without you.  That doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore; it’s just they found a new group of “friends/associates” that they enjoy spending time with.   As adults, you shouldn’t get jealous of your friend’s new associates that may or may not include you.  Gaining new acquaintances is part of life. And most of the time it is only temporary because many people enter your life for a reason and/or season.  This should not be a reason to air your good friends’ dirty laundry. This should not warrant you to try your hand with her/his girlfriends/boyfriends either because you feel he/she hasn’t called or spent time with you in a while.  Did you ever ask yourself these questions:

•  “What could I do to be a supportive friend at this time?”
• “Is our disagreement that bad that I should cross him/her this way?”
• “How would it make me feel if he/she did this to me?”
• “Is it really worth my time to hurt/humiliate someone I loved and respected once?”
• “Am I overreacting because I needed him/her at a time he/she wasn’t available?”
• “Am I jealous of his/her new acquaintances, success, growth, or change?”
• “Am I really/truly a good friend from afar?”
• “Do I really love them no matter what?”

As a person of character, when someone trusts you enough with their soul, secrets, and life you shouldn’t betray them.  I am not talking about if your family/friend participated in a murder/abuse/crime and it risks your livelihood then all bets may be off.  Hurting them because of your own selfish motives doesn’t do you or your friend any good.  Even if someone you called your friend betrayed you; you should walk away and let the chips fall where they may.  Even if it’s a fallout over money, argument, or a disagreement let it go.  You never know when you will need them again.

• Friends will always show concern for you and your personal problems.
• Friends tell you when you are right and wrong.  They don’t try to hurt you with your choices in life.
• Friends respect how you feel and would feel even when you aren’t around.
• Friends do not need your attention all the time and respect the fact you may not be around as much as you used to.  They understand that you are grown and have a life of your own.
• Friends will not mess with someone they know you are close with, especially if you haven’t discussed it with him/her.
• Friends should be trusted.
• Friends are there for you no matter what; whether there is distance or not.
• Friends are able to share their truth with you freely.
• Friends won’t lie to you, but understand how important the truth is to you.

As the infamous rap group, Whodini said,

“Friends, how many of us have them?

Friends, ones we can depend on

Friends, how many of us have them?

Friends, before we go any further , let’s be friends”