We all have a sense of intuition. Some are stronger than others. I try to listen to my inner voice more than ever simply because I am trying not to become attached to others in a way that will cause me to hurt or be disappointed. I don’t do that just when it deals with a partner, but meeting new people as well. I don’t want anyone in my circle that may cause dysfunction or stress. I want to remain at peace and happy with the decisions and people I deal with. Do you ever wonder sometimes why you didn’t take heed to what was sensed in the first place? It’s because you so deeply wanted to believe in what you wanted to be true. Nothing is wrong with that but it is better to understand that it is our duty to take people for who they show us to be; not who we want them to be. That’s when it is important to sit in peace and analyze your situation. Do you really want to deal with the truth or live with a lie?
You will be tested daily when it deals with people. It is up to you to make sure they don’t take your peace away. You will have to make decisions in life that will affect others as well. I had to limit myself from going places that I usually enjoy because I needed to stay away from people who continue to interact with or socialize with my ex-abuser. I could no longer hang out with the same people anymore; not because I didn’t want to, but because I had to protect my peace of mind. I got so tired of hearing the lies he was saying about me or telling them to relay back to me. I also got sick of running into him or his people simply because he/they knew where I would be. It was exhausting. It was even causing drama in my friends’ life that had absolutely nothing to do with anything. That’s when I made the conscious decision to stay out the way. At first, I said, “Fuck that, I ain’t hiding or running away from enjoying my life”. But then my inner self-said, “Tonya, what really matters? Your peace and happiness or hanging out where potential trouble can occur”? You know which route I decided to take after further evaluation.
That’s when I go MIA for a while and don’t want to be bothered by too many people. Some of my friends can tell you that it can be weeks to months before they will see me again hahaha. My close friends understand this about me. During that time is when I refocus on what I need to do in my life and regain my peace of mind. It’s not because they did anything to me; it’s just I need my personal space to gain clarity and a reboot. This is when I want to keep still and embrace the peace and quiet that surrounds me. I also utilize this time to spend quality time with my children and/or significant other. My friends have a mutual understanding of this and allow me to have my peaceful moments. Trust me it is well worth it.
When you have various types of relationships with people, it is hard to spread yourself out to everyone. I have disappointed a lot of people because I am unable to spread myself out equally. Hell, I have taken a plethora of plane and road trips to visit people because I haven’t seen them in a long time. If you have friendships with people who aren’t territorial or clingy; they won’t take it personally if you don’t see them often. My best friend since the 4th grade, Eboni, doesn’t see me as often as we should, but she knows she is my sister!!! We understand that when we have free time, we may choose to utilize it differently. Sometimes you may realize that you will have to cut off those clingy and territorial friendships because it causes unnecessary stress in your life. I suggest everyone take a week away from their social life and focus on yourself and personal goals. I also suggest saying, “NO” to things that you really don’t want to do. You will have some people who will not understand or take it personal, but that is not of your concern. Your peace is what matters the most. That’s when you should be selfish. You owe it to yourself.
Lastly, you will have people within your circle that will either outgrow you or will remain stagnant. It is up to you to weed out those people who aren’t there to assist in your positive growth. It doesn’t matter if they are family, friends since high school, or neighborhood buddy, you have to dismiss yourself from trouble, negativity, and confusion. If you have done things to assist people and they still do not follow the right path, you can love them from a distance. Again, you must be selfish when it deals with your peace of mind. You should not carry on other people’s baggage or complaints if they aren’t trying to do better for themselves. All this does is add more unwarranted stress into your life. You can be a listening ear, but know when to turn off the noise.
Just remember to give yourself some peace from time-to-time and enjoy the stillness you so much deserve. Trust me, you won’t regret it.